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Paul, Oliver, Andrew, John, Mark
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| last tour |
[Dec. 13th, 2006|02:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | taoist | ] |
Ok, since I jsut completed my last tour in China (which, btw, doesnt have technology), im going to try and revive the blog. I know most of our members have been away on tour these past two years, including places like Oklahoma, Bhutan, Darfur, and the Moon. So as my introduction back to the shit, I will tell some tales of my chinese tour...
It all started one day when i was looking for some TP, as I had just taken a shit > a roll of paper towels. Now as i said before, China is still in the Bronze age, im suprised anyone has ever even heard about it, and the TP was nowhere to be found (being a 19th century westward expansion invention), and I subsequently began to become angrier than shit. I grabbed the rice worker's hat who was right next to me, used it as TP, got a straw splinter, pulled it out and stabbed the guy with it for making a shitty hat, and went on a rampage. Now im talking a dynasty warriors rampage, where I kill like 900 chinese guys in 10 minutes, but instead of being for the unification of china, this was for TP. In the aftermath, when the dust settled and my rage had subsided, i felt an inner peace. For i had discovered that i did not need TP in china, killing 900 chinese guys could do the job just as well, if not better |
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| 'nam |
[Feb. 4th, 2006|09:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
GUYS...I just got back from vietnam. It's almost been a year, and I am here to say...there has been ALOT of undocumented dumping going on around these parts. I think it is my responsibility...no, my DUTY...to bring you detailed accounts of the mission. My fellow brothers in apt 231 are still together, and it is time to share with the world once again. We'll keep you posted. Shock out.
-Big P |
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| poop |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|01:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ouch | ] |
so i took a dump, and it hurt. thats all i have to say about this subject...
Andrew |
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| I dont believe it |
[Feb. 20th, 2005|02:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | square | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hail to the Chief | ] |
So here I am, back from breakfast at IHOP with the buds, and I take a pre-surf dump...that was square. Seriously, this thing had 4 right angles on it, it was the craziest thing ive ever seen, kinda like one of those watermelons that they genetically altered to make it into a cube so it packs easier, except instead of a watermelon, it was a shit. One of the craziest things that has ever come out of this mans ass...except that one incident with the cat next door...but we'll not talk about that.
Andrew |
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| Long time no poop |
[Feb. 15th, 2005|03:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Rocky Theme | ] |
Well, I am sorry that I upset some of you with the lack of poopy blog. I have been busy engaging in the act called school, and I have no t really been able to sit down and drop a good ol' cleveland steamer in a long time. Well first of all, I can speak for all of us when I say thanks to mark for pulling out for a while. His deficient grammer skills, and his plain poop blogs needed a rest. He just has lost his shock value...don't worry, he'll be back. Anyway, back to my poo story. This shit was on simmer since I woke up this morning. It was kind of just dwelling there throughout speech, and then it started to kick a little through that anthropology class that I skipped. After the vaginal discharge they call lunch here, I came back to the apartment. I was very gathered, and prepared to drop trou. For all I knew this was going to be a satisfying shit, since it had been ready for a few hours now. I almost passed out. This was a bomb. THE bomb. This thing just ran through, rushed out, and exploded right there as if a grenade went off under my ass after a mentally challenged kid pulled the pin, lolz. If you have not guessed, that was a metaphor. And I was referring to an atomic bomb, while making the toilet Hiroshima. nevermind. And yes, it is metaphor not metaphorE. Thanks mark, once a jew, always a jew. Well after a few minutes of wiping, this bad boy was taken care of. I flushed and stood there hoping that the traffic would flow smoothly. Victory, brown and bitter. Thats it for now, sorry it took so long to blog. Stay classy and shock out. -Paul |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 13th, 2005|01:02 am] |
I have decided that this will be my last entry for a while. I feel that my skills in writing about my bowel movements do not in any way rival those of my fellow comrades in apartment 231(except John) and there for must take some time off, gather my feelings and thoughts, discover new vocabulary, and come up with some new, mind boggling kick ass metaphores. untill then i will walk the earth in search of myself and those attibutes needed to upend paul and recalim the throne of "taking it to the next level" that is rightfully mine. I apalogize to my many admirers who read my weekly contributions to this wonderful monument to human excriment. i am sorry you all had to find out this way. it was not my intention of abondoning you so suddenly and leave you strandad like an orphan whos parents' lives were claimed by a horrible STD. however even though my absence will be missed and wept over I think this is for the best. Untill I return may god give you some comfort during this horrible tradgedy.
I love you all,
- Mark |
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| What an eventful day |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|01:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Marks poo guitar | ] |
Wow...where to begin. Well last night, Mark took a poop and DIDNT blog about it. I was very dissapointed, but he took his guitar in with him and we made ourselves a blues song. Well he managed to screw everything up again. He caused a traffic jam on the hershey highway. This one was bad, and smelled like the inside of a fake leg. It was out of comission until about 3 hours ago. With a shirt tied around my face, and armed with a plunger, I entered the war zone. It was all done rather quick, and I almost collapsed from the dizziness. With that situation taken care of, I proceeded with my poo. This one was a product of nasty...wow I cant even remember what I had for lunch...well it was just nasty, it came from the cafeteria. This one took me a good while. Roommates were stopping in to see if I was okay every now and then. I finished the project, and returned to my normal life. This may count as a Victory Dump, because of the unclogged toilet. I havent decided yet. The toilet is clear for now, but we will have to see how long the hershey highway can withstand all this traffic. Shock out. -Paul |
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| Toilet paper situation = code brown |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|09:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | We Are the Champions | ] |
Well, I entered the palace today after ravaging Mark "The Golden Jew" at racquetball. I thought what better way to celebrate then to take a Victory Dump. A Victory Dump is more beautiful than a raven watching two turtles make love. It's best to walk out of the bathroom with your arms in the air screaming "I DID IT" and then quietly walk into your room after the deed. Well my personal Victory Dump today was special. I let out my steamer knowing I accomplished something, and that my free booze was on its way as I type this. The toilet paper situation is still not resolved. We need more troops. It was the good old paper towels again, but the toilet has been resisting lately. The insurgents attack everytime we flush, and its scary. Hopefully we can hold them back, and it wont get clogged again. Thats all I have for now...shock out. -Paul |
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| paper towels work jsut as good |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|12:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mark just loves cock in his mouth | ] |
so i took this massive poo. were talking a foot long log here guys and lo-and-behold paul and john decide not to stock toilet paper. why the fuck would youu ever do that. it was like being stuck in a well and the person who you brings you the rope has it two inches too short, on purpose. just so they can bring over the attractive girl next door so she can laugh at you and make you feel so shitty (no pun intended). on top of that they stripped me away of all hope, and made me feel as if i would never see the surface world like joseph the multi colored coat guy from the bible. so here i am out of toilet paper sittin on the comode trying not to masturbate to brooke burns and paul is circling aorund the door beating on it and shouting racial slurs. I thouhgt i was done for for sure, untill out of no where oliver came and gave me the only thing i could use to wipe, paper towels.
it wasn't as great of refreshing as toilet paper. it was a bitrough and expholiated my rectal area down like a smooth piece of wood but it got the job done. kinda like GIjoe. man it was goodness. god it was so god. well ok pittsburgh pirates im out here. sorry for the shitty blog
-mark |
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